Why Are You Always on the Phone?

The following sections are included:

• DEDICATION
• CONTENTS
• SYNOPSIS
• INTRODUCTION — SMART SKILLS

Staying in touch with friends is of utmost importance to teenagers — when we were teens, we talked for hours on the phone, too! Now the same kind of contact happens through phone texting. And, as annoying as it can be to see our son/daughter tapping away at their phones, it is a normal part of life for tweens (8 to 12 years old) and teens (13 to 19 years old).

Addiction is a complex subject, and though it may be tempting to point to young peoples’ evolving technology- and media-related behaviors as evidence of new addictions, it is vital to sift out true addictions which reflect severe problems with very specific medical criteria. We should not be too easy and quick to point at our tween/teen’s smartphone and media use as an addiction. As parents, it would be good to be aware of the problems and issues of social media use which could affect our tween/teen, either negatively or positively, socially and emotionally. Obsession with online gaming was the main manifestation in the past, but addiction to social media and video downloading, also known as digital addiction, are now on the uptrend.

Popular games — Stack, Crossy Road, Clash Royale, Clash of Clans, Color Switch, Piano Tiles, Candy Crush, Subway Surfers, Plants vs. Zombies and 2048 — are but some of the games that tweens and teens like to play on their smartphone. But is it OK to play these games for hours? The same goes for computer games such as first-person shooters (FPS) like Black Shot, Counter-Strike, and indie-genre games like Minecraft.

There is no absolutely right answer here. It depends on your tween/teen’s age, personality, and behavior. The most important thing is that you discuss responsible texting behavior. Remind them that any text can be forwarded to an unintended audience — and texts that involve drugs, sexting, or other illegal things can get them into real trouble.

According to interviews with teens in Singapore on how they view their digital lives, many more teens report a positive impact of social media use on their emotional well-being than a negative one. Most teens do not think their use of social media affects their social and emotional well-being one way or the other. But there are some teens who think that using social media does affect how they feel about themselves and their social situation.

Despite being avid social media users, talking to each other in person is still tweens/teens’ favorite way to communicate in Singapore. Nearly 80% of all the tweens/teens interviewed say their favorite way to communicate with their friends is in person, in class or at the canteen. Texting is the next favorite (60%), with social networking (30%), talking on the phone (10%), and Twitter (2%) far behind.

There is no sugarcoating it. Internet pornography is easy access for all even through completely innocent searches. Half of teens in Singapore are exposed to pornography, according to a survey published in the Straits Times.10 According to the survey conducted by Touch Cyber Wellness in 2016 — with a sample size of 921 students aged 13 to 15 years old with 479 boys and 442 girls — nine in every 10 teenage boys in Singapore have watched or read sexually explicit materials within the past year with some first exposed to it even before they start primary school. In contrast, only 8% of girls — less than one in 10 — admitted to viewing pornography last year, either intentionally or by accident.

Digital harassment refers to the use of smartphone, social networks, and other communications devices to bully, threaten, and aggressively badger someone. Although it is a form of cyber-bullying, digital harassment is a bit different because it usually takes place between two people in a romantic relationship.

Those folks who make cruel remarks just to stir the pot are simply everywhere. Tweens/teens are affected by this to varying degrees, depending on many factors, including his or her age, level of sensitivity, the severity of the comments, and the social situation.

Cyber-bullying is the use of digital communication tools (such as the Internet and cell phones) to make another person feel angry, sad, or scared, usually again and again. Examples of cyber-bullying include sending hurtful texts or instant messages, posting embarrassing photos or videos on social media, and spreading mean rumors online

As soon as your tween/teen begins to go online, it is important to explain your expectations of their behavior. By acting responsibly and respectfully, they will enjoy their time online and get the best of the Internet while mostly avoiding things such as Internet porn, cyber-bullying and inappropriate content. Here are some basics tips:

• Communicate appropriately. Use the right language to communicate with your child. Speak with respect to your child and use the right tone appropriately. Ask him or her to do the same with his or her friends. And never use all capital letters or profanity when communicating with anyone!
• Keep private things private. Ask him or her not to share personal information, including passwords, your home address, inappropriate images, or to gossip mindlessly online.
• Respect others. Gently remind your tween/teen of basic etiquette and to be courteous. If there is a need to disagree, then disagree politely.
• Do not lie, steal, or cheat. Do not try to deceive others. Remember to give credit when credit is due. Do not plagiarize even though it is easy to copy others’ works, download things without permission, or use game cheat codes.
• Report misbehavior. Stand up for someone you know who is being bullied online. Knowing the Internet is a giant community, remind your child to help the Internet community to be a nice place.
• Follow your family’s rules. Remind him or her of the house/family rules such as avoiding certain websites and being responsible to gain more trust from family members and friends.
• Think before posting, texting or sharing. Discuss with him or her to be considerate of others and to reflect on how he, she or others might feel after having read something in nasty, mean posts. The world operates on a saying of “What goes around comes around” and hence, remind him or her not to “Do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you”. Whatever has been said is irreversible and one’s online behavior can create a lasting footprint.

When it comes to technology-parenting tip, a balanced approach includes fostering our tween/teen’s awareness of media and self, embracing quality media usage, selective single-tasking, carving out times and places to disconnect, and nurturing relationships and face-to-face conversation with our teens. Howard Gardner and Katie Davis¹⁵ point out that media and technology can be especially beneficial when used to form deeper relationships, to allow for creativity and exploration, and to explore identity.

You can ask, but do not insist on it. Some families are connected on social media and it works for them. Some tweens/teens do not want their parents to see everything on their pages (and will block you from seeing things, which kind of defeats the purpose of being friends). Following your tweens/teens online opens up a can of worms, and you will have to figure out how to negotiate that new relationship. If your tweens/teens let you friend or follow them, stay in the background (do not comment or "like" their posts unless they want you to), pick your battles, and make sure to address anything important face to face, not on their pages in front of their friends.

With the proliferation of social media and Internet use, we are surrounded by all things techie and there is also no avoiding of these technologies in the learning context too. From guitar to grammar, teens can learn just about anything online through videos, tutorials, how-to’s, lectures, and all kinds of different apps. The types of online lessons vary in terms of quality and costs: Some are free; and some have to be paid upfront while some offer a dedicated time, teacher, and subject; and some are simply self-directed (available when you feel like learning something), and of course there are Google and wiki that tell and explain all the questions and definitions.

It may seem foreign to parents, but for tweens and teens, starting a self-made video is definitely an engaging and fun way to communicate with others. All the coolest apps such as Snapchat or YouTube let users share video clips. So even though you may have concerns about the risks of broadcasting on the Web, it is the norm in today’s context. It is what most tech-savvy teens do, especially in expressing himself or herself, learning digital video skills, sharing with friends, and experimenting creatively. It is important to balance your concerns with the benefits he or she can reap from video filming experimentation. There may be a George Lucas — a filmmaker — in the making!

Internet trolls — those folks who make cruel remarks just to stir the pot — are everywhere. The best way is to ignore them.

Many teens multi-task with social media while doing their homework, and most of them think this has no effect on the quality of their work. In fact, a survey done with some students in Singapore indicated that the majority of teens say they often watch YouTube videos or listen to soothing or rock music while doing homework. In fact, the teens interviewed all strongly feel that listening to music helps them think better and acts as good background inspiration for doing some art homework, for planning a framework and for their essay writing. Some even use social media to post comments, read other posts or just "like" the postings. All of these are done while doing homework.

Tweens and teens love using the photo sharing app called Instagram because it lets them apply cool effects and captions to their photos and videos and easily share them across a number of social media platforms. The ability to quickly change the look of their pictures by adding anything from borders to blurring and brightness not only unleashes the tweens/teens’ creativity, it also makes their lives look glamorous or just awesome.

Twitter is a microblogging service that features 140-character "tweets" and recently in May 2016, Twitter introduced new functions that allow users to add links, attachments and some other features within the short measure. And as parents, you may not realize how much of a staple it is in tweens/teens’ social media lives. According to the Pew Internet survey on Teens, Social Media and Technology Overview, 2015, ¹⁶ 33% of all American teens use Twitter and have an average of 95 followers (for teen girls the average climbs to 49% with 116 followers).

Tumblr is an unending streaming scrapbook of text, photos, videos, and audio clips. It pioneered the vibrant, graphic-rich, full-screen design that tweens/teens love. Interestingly, with more than a million blogs — it is one of the most popular applications on the Web for creative users to design original pages, share cool things they discover, and follow others with similar interests. On Tumblr, the goal of many users is to be "re-blogged" (as opposed to racking up likes, for example, with Instagram), which makes the service feel like a creative community bonded by shared interests. This is definitely not a popularity contest application.

Tweens and teens love using the messaging app Snapchat because it lets you send texts, pictures, and videos that you program to disappear after a few seconds. Snapchat also offers fun, easy-to-use instant editing tools that let you add cool effects to your "Snaps", such as captions, drawings, and emojis.

How do you have a good and open relationship with your tweens/teens? It would have to start as young as possible to have a healthy and open communication between you and your child. Tweens/teens are going through puberty; teenage angst and these emotions could only be felt vividly by them. I believe, we were young once and most parents have gone through this frustrating tween/teenage phase. Hence, it is time to better understand tweens/teens’ sensitive feelings and emotions and try your utmost to understand tweens/teens’ growing-up pains as well as their need for privacy as a young adult.

My purpose in writing this book is to provide some tips and suggestions to a better understanding of tweens/teens and their uses of the mobile phone. Such understanding is especially pertinent on youth and their connectivity with their smartphone and how best this connectivity can be maximized and leveraged for social networking, as well as serving as a tool for communicating and in building smart relationship between parents and their children. Besides the social reasons of smartphone uses, there is also learning informally and formally with tapping of these technologies.

The following section is included:

• ENDNOTES